The Power of a Love Story

When most people get married, they’re deeply in love and convinced that they’ll live happily ever after. However, once the honeymoon is officially over and you’ve played house for a while, you begin to see that your Prince Charming or your Cinderella isn’t perfect. Habits are revealed that you may not like. Differences emerge that you didn’t expect. Make up comes off and your “lovely” may not be so lovely first thing in the morning. Bills and pressures start to build. Ladies, you may find that your husband doesn’t shower you with the attention and zeal that he did while you courted. Men, you may wonder what happened to the way she used to bat her eyes at you and worship your every move. You may decide that you need to change your mate. But what’s really going on?

The enemy is doing his best to bring division by pointing out and emphasizing weaknesses. Statistics tell us that one in every three first marriages in the U.S will end within ten years, and one in five will end within five years. Because God has joined you two together as “one flesh,” be aware that the enemy wants to seek and destroy. If one person can put a thousand to flight and two can put ten thousand to flight, obviously there’s power in the joining of two people toward a common vision. Wouldn’t it be great for the kingdom of darkness if Christian marriages were full of anger, bitterness, disunity and division? A house divided cannot stand. If you understand the significance of your marriage and the potential power in it, you will be more careful to keep out the trash. God can do SO much with a couple willing to live for the Kingdom purpose, free from impurity. The Word of God is there to equip you with tactics to preserve and strengthen your union. However, most couples feed on the lies of the media and the examples around them rather than on the pure truths of the Bible.

Drenda and I have been married for 25 years, and we have found that it can take a while to become “one flesh.” It is a process, not an event. The marriage ceremony is there to symbolize the joining spiritually, but the physical reality of that joining takes commitment, dedication and uncompromising love. There is a pervading laziness in our culture that says, “If it’s hard, I’m going to back out.” Most people give up during difficult times, but those difficult times will actually forge your marriage into strong steel if you will grab each other’s hands and commit to walk it out. Have faith that your future is greater than any hurt or past failure.  Then mix some real change with that faith.

One of the biggest problem areas in marriage is communication. Because men and women are so different in their perception and language, it can be confusing trying to decode one another’s emotions and meanings. But I encourage you to communicate because it’s not too late! Here are some practical tips for communication:

1. Never say never! Avoid all-inclusive phrases like “you always…” “you never…” or “why don’t you ever…” These cause defensiveness.
2. Dive into the forbidden areas! Are there areas you and your spouse don’t talk about because of the conflict it creates between you? Chances are prosperity isn’t flowing in your life because you’ve allowed blockage. The Bible says to go to your friend if you have something against them. Don’t let bitterness kill intimacy. Be committed enough to your partner to talk about the tough subjects. Together, you and your spouse can make your relationship a refuge, a place of unconditional love and forgiveness, but you must be willing to communicate.
3. Learn your spouse’s style of communication! If you were taking a test, you would study and learn the facts. You are taking the test of life, and you need to study the facts about your spouse. What’s your spouse’s communication style? What are their “love languages?” What is their style of conflict management? What makes them angry? What makes them happy? If you don’t know, ask them!
4. Leadership versus submission: Men, you are the leaders of your family, so act like it! Your wife will never be happy following someone who never communicates the vision for the future. If you want to be out of debt, talk about how to get there and the rewards once you do arrive. Women, submission happens when you love your spouse and respect God more than you love your own opinion and pride. Come under the protection of your husband and watch him step up to the plate. When you take care of your husband as his help-meet, God will take care of you. Submission also means you care enough about the relationship to offer suggestions and wisdom in love. You are on the same team!

God created marriage and the sexual union as a representation of love that completes one another. Lust, pornography, fantasies, soap operas and trashy romance novels are all counterfeits for the beauty of real, unselfish intimacy. Intimacy means “In-to-me-see.” Men, Jesus was a representation of the way husbands should lay down their own lives for their wives. Women, you are like the church, with the role of adoring or “worshipping” your husband, lifting him up with your words and actions.     

Whether your marriage is in need of a complete renovation or just some remodeling, I encourage you to listen to our series “Love Story.” Start listening to it together, and see the heights and depths your relationship can reach. There is power in your marriage!