Till Debt Do We Part

Debt attacks the fabric of the home.  For many, instead of the home being a refuge from life’s pressures, it becomes a stress-filled environment – a war zone.  One response to the pressure of debt is that so many husbands are turning over the responsibility of juggling the strained budget to their wives.  They find an escape route from the fear and pressure of finances in the wife, whom God made to have the desire to help her husband.  Although this may seem harmless, seeds of destruction are being planted in the home.

I estimate that in about eighty percent of the families I have counseled, the wife paid the bills.  I do not mean she wrote the checks and mailed them - I mean she handled the bills.  She felt the pressure to make sure the bills were paid, and she was the one left with the responsibility to work out any details or problems with creditors.

Although women are generally better with details, this gifting was meant to function under the protection and leadership of the husband.  A woman was not made to handle the pressure and stress of this role all by herself. 

Stress will eventually surface at a time when the husband least expects it.  It will most likely be over a very small matter, and an explosion will result.  The husband will shake his head and will not be able to understand why she blew up over such a small issue.  The fact is that the pressure was building, and she finally reached a point where she could not take any more.  Resentment toward his lack of protection and leadership simply found a vent.

This reflects a larger problem in the marriage.  Since man’s greatest needs in marriage revolve around the wife - his need to be respected and his need for sexual fulfillment - these needs suffer.  Consequently, he will become unfulfilled in life.  A man who does not feel secure at home will find it hard to be a conqueror in a world of insecurity.  Often, the husband does not even realize he is the cause of such unrest at home, so he blames it on his wife’s emotional instability or lack of submission.
I believe that this role reversal is one of the key factors in the increasing depression among women.  The era of the super-mom is taking its toll!  Yes, it is easier to delegate the financial burden, and in many cases, the wife welcomes it.  When the husband does this, though, he steps out of divine order and the home is opened to the deception and attack of Satan.

I am shocked at how many Christian men insist that their wives work outside the home.  Many times, I have observed a wife rebel against her husband’s leadership because he put her under the financial gun by delegating to her his God-ordained role as the provider.  By increasing the number of mothers in the workforce, the fabric of family life is torn, resulting in the fact that caregivers spend more time with the children than their own mothers do.  The impact of mom’s absence can be seen in youth on every level of society.

Financial problems are listed repeatedly as a major factor in the breakup of our homes and marriages.  Stepping up to our responsibilities as husbands will bring peace and stability back into our lives, and cause our marriages and families to flourish.  Bringing God’s order back into the home will bring his blessing with it!